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Maybe I got a kick in the gut from Cupid, but Jeff and his lessons on love and living also gave me a kick in the butt in general.
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Jeff taught me how to love, and he taught me how to be loved. Reclaiming diagnosis dayįor the first time, thanks in part to Jeff’s books, I started to see the 296 days that I spent with him as the start of my love story rather than the end of it. It turns out Jeff was a relationship expert after all. As I ran my hands along those book titles, a good, dark laugh bubbled up from somewhere inside of me and burst forth. This from a man who never walked down the aisle. Tucked between Stephen King and Kurt Vonnegut are titles like His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage, and Getting the Love You Want. To this day, it gives me comfort to run my hands along the titles, knowing that he once held the same pages in his hands.Īfter a while, I started to notice the sheer amount of relationship books that Jeff owned. Sometime after that wild weekend in New Orleans, though, I unpacked the boxes containing the 407 books that Jeff left behind on his shelves, stacking them on my own bookshelf. Our love story and diagnosis day heartbreak And when your fiancé is diagnosed on Valentine’s Day, that may just be a special kind of fuck you from the cosmos. Well, my love was diagnosed with stage IV cancer on Valentine’s Day. The kind of laugh that rises inappropriately from the dark places where polite conversation doesn’t go the kind of laugh that unexpectedly bursts out of you when you realize that the tiny, sunflower-encased urn with the ashes that you’ve been carrying around in your breast pocket, close to your heart for a year, went through the washing machine. You know the kind of laugh I mean, right? It’s only that, I figure if you’re reading this, it’s because you may just be approaching a diagnosis day anniversary and, therefore, you are probably in need of a good, dark laugh. I write a lot about grief on these pages, and it’s best to never compare your grief to another person’s grief. Now, I’m not trying to one-up your diagnosis day, but…